Why I'm being so selfish.

I admit, I am a selfish brat whose life goals are to travel and just be happy wherever I am and whoever I am with. I work for travel, and that's my sole intention, well at least until I hit the big 3-0. 

I have hurt a lot of people on my way here and I have left people for selfish reasons. It's only fitting that my reasons are best kept to myself, for people could never understand your true intentions. At this rate I'm going, marriage is utterly irrelevant and settling down is some fantasy island I have yet to discover. 

Why? I see the bad sides of marriage, and I've seen enough to know that it is not the road I want to walk through just yet. To every sheltered minds out there, this is a disgrace to the humankind. Where is the old kind of love where vows at the altars are sacred and not to be taken lightly? I just recently read this article in Elite Daily, where intelligent women tend to be single. I cannot help but smile and high five the author mentally. Thank you, Lauren. You certainly speak for the women out there who are struggling to find themselves men who have more balls than they do. 

Often I encounter men who tell me women belong in the kitchen and women should be weak as well as to dial down on their fierceness. First of all, do you mean that only weak women deserve to be loved and appreciated? Secondly, since when being smart is socially & culturally wrong?

It scares those men so much when women challenge their views and show their abilities to take good care of themselves. What are we, women, supposed to do and be like? Be submissive to you even though it's clear you're being an ass? Ask you to open a jar of Nutella so that we won't chip our carefully manicured nails? Wait for you at your hands and feet like a dog asking for treats? 

There's something about intelligent women and their widely misunderstood facade. People forget that they, too, want to be loved. They have seen and done a lot of things that make them as impenetrable as their exterior. They are smart enough to know the world is no longer black and wide. They are not oblivious to the fact that their lives are no longer governed by the stereotypes and typical paths trodden by their society. They want different things than what they initially wanted in high schools.

What did we know in high schools anyway? Besides marriage and kids? That was how we were supposed to end our lives, wasn't it? Finish school, get a degree, get married and have kids. Did we think of the life after that? I certainly did not. Do you know how difficult it is to stay married and to love that same person you're married to 30-50 years down the road? To touch no other women or men except your spouses? To not want personal space or say no to friends' invitations to have a good night out? To find only your spouses attractive & feel that intense lust & sexual desire only for them? To love them when they're at their absolute worst and have betrayed you in every possible way you could think of? 

So, women nowadays have seen better and want to do better. Why blame them for wanting better? If they wanted to leave their jobs to travel and move to another country, could you blame them for being selfish and impulsive? If they had trust issues & gave you a hard time, could you blame them for being hard to get? It's no longer about blaming who or what is wrong. People evolve, either physically, spiritually or emotionally. If you find yourself wanting so many things or people at this point of life, ask yourself, are you not selfish or greedy? Or would you play the moral police and say, "No, that is YOU. I'm not like that"? 

I am selfish, for there are still so many things I have not done and for all the people I have yet to meet. I am selfish, for all the love I keep to myself just because I do not want my heart to be broken into pieces again. I am selfish, for all the time I want to spend with my friends and loved ones because they are the only ones that matter to me now. I am selfish with my decisions, right or wrong, because I have given a large portion of my life away and those years I cannot get back. I am selfish with every calculated moves I make because between those moves, I find happiness and comfort. 

Is it wrong to want different things? You tell me.

Yes, I'm waiting for that man.

To end my long post (TL:DR), here's a picture of round eyed and absolutely adorable Nala.