Friday, July 22, 2011

What and If.

We've all lost something, or someone in our lives. Some pain fade, but some never go away. Sometimes, the same pain just intensifies. Sometimes, we feel as if we are all alone in this world. And sometimes, we build walls around us, just to see who cared enough to tear the walls down. 

But, people often get tired of tearing down the same walls over and over. When my mom passed away, I was overwhelmed with grief and I had that moment where I wanted to just lock myself in my room and never come out. I just wanted to leave the commotion outside of my room, and to immerse in my own self pity. I wanted to blame people for what had happened to her, and I wanted to blame myself. 

I had so much pain in my heart. I wanted to sit in a corner, to cry, and cry, and cry again. I didn't want to hear condolences, I didn't want to see the sea of teary-eyed people. I did not want any of those. All I wanted to was to blame someone and to shut myself out from the world. What would my life be without her? How would we survive without her? She was everything to us. She was always the strong one. She never faltered and showed her pain to us. If anything, she made it seem easy to be a supermom. 

As I sat in my room, trying so hard to admit that she was gone, I felt the strongest urge to get out of the room and to be amongst those who were grieving near her. The silence in my room was deafening. 

I lost my mom the day after Christmas. A friend of mine is constantly trying to make the ends meet at home. Bills to pay, car loan to settle every month and mouths to feed, all because of an inept father; with such meagre pay. Child trafficking. People at war. Homeless. Hunger. Death of someone beloved.

I would be selfish if I were to shut myself away from people. I didn't need people to worry about me. I needed support, I needed comfort. 

Everyone goes through pain. Without pain, people won't see life differently. And yes, people deal with problems the way they are most comfortable of. Some run away from them, some face them, and some just sit in a corner, waiting for them to just vanish. 

But there is a world that still revolves around the Sun and it never stops. Not for anyone. We get on with life, no matter how hard it is. We can't weigh our lives based on others. There is another side of their lives you may not know of. 
And most of all, count your blessings. Be thankful for parents who are there for you. Be thankful for friends who tell you the truth about yourself. Be thankful for lovers who show their love for you. Be thankful for encouragements that are whispered in your ears.

And most of all, what doesn't kill you only make you wiser, if not bolder.

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