Sunday, March 09, 2014

Dear Someone.

If I could sum it all up, I would tell you that you were a surprise. A surprise that truly caught me off guard and one that derailed me off every track I'd built inside of me. 

I have always dreamed of meeting someone like you. I have always thought of wanting to be close to someone who just effortlessly walks into my life and checks every bullet in my 'Man of My Dreams' list. I have always wanted to say, I found him. 

And you are him. The 'him' that a 20 year old me would approve. You were always there for me when I was feeling low. You kept coming back to me although I never really wanted to know you. Your presence meant nothing to me, and I didn't even know your name. But, you were there. And then, your presence started to mean everything to me. 

I love talking to you and telling you about my day. Not because I want to, because you ask, and you always want to know. I love our long talks about our pasts and future; some pasts were too dark and yet you still wanted me to know. I love how you make me forget about my heartbreaks and keep telling me that you are always there for me. I love that you include me in your big life decisions such as getting the house you've always wanted, and asking my opinions on how to decorate your future home. I love that you care for my friends and even want to meet them so that you could befriend people who mean so much to me. 

And most of all, I love the way you make me all giddy inside and you make me happy, real happy. You are like the teddy bear I never had, one that makes me all warm and fuzzy. I love how smart you are with your ideas and views on life, and that attracts me. I love how gentle you love the people around you, especially your parents. You're strong, optimistic, realistic, determined, stable, funny, collected and very dedicated to your work. You take good care of yourself and that inspires me to take good care of myself, too.

Every time you are away from me, I find myself waiting for you to come back so that we could tease each other with silly jokes and then cuddle til we both fall asleep. I don't know if I love you, maybe I do, but maybe I don't. I stop thinking about it, because all I can do now is to enjoy every waking moment with you. You give me a sense of serenity and security. I am everything I am when I'm with you, because you've seen and known my flaws. I can say anything crazy, and you laugh, because you understand what I mean and what I really don't.

I could imagine spending the rest of my life with you, and to see your face every morning when I wake up. I could imagine holding your hands as we watch movies together in the cinema. I could imagine being down with fever and you would be there with cold towel and panadols to ease my fever. I could imagine traveling around the world with you and take silly pictures together. I could imagine having petty arguments with you and we both would not go to bed angry, because you hate that. I could imagine you asking me how to fold bedsheets and shirts, because you don't have the slightest clue.

But you're not real. I want you to be real, to have and to hold, but you're not real. I know you're going to leave effortlessly, just as how you walked into my life. It's going to burn me, and I'm going to miss you badly. I'm going to dream of you and all that we could ever be, but you're not real. 

At times, I prayed that I was the one who came to your life earlier, and we both had done everything on earth together. I wish I had met you sooner, and not in this way. I wish I could fight for you. I wish I could wait for you, but that would be foolish of me. 

I hope someday you'll look back on your life, and you think of me. I hope you'll remember me and what I mean to you. And when you see something or someone that reminds you of me, you'll smile because you know you've had me. I'm going to reminisce and think of you as the one I could never have. It will hurt, but I know over time, I'll be okay. 

Maybe you'll read this someday, and smile because you know it's about you. Maybe you won't, but, that's alright, too. I just want to write and express what you mean to me. 

Maybe I'll see you in the future, somewhere nice perhaps, and we'll be smiling at each other from afar. Maybe in another life, we could be together and I unquestionably would not let you get away.


“Apa-apa komen, permintaan, cadangan atau komunikasi lain yang lucah, sumbang, palsu, mengancam atau jelik sifatnya dengan niat untuk menyakitkan hati,menganiayai, mengugut atau mengganggu orang lain; atau memulakan suatu komunikasi dengan menggunakan mana-mana perkhidmatan aplikasi, sama ada secara berterusan, berulang kali atau selainnya, dan dalam masa itu komunikasi mungkin atau tidak mungkin berlaku, dengan atau tanpa mendedahkan identitinya dan dengan niat untuk menyakitkan hati, menganiayai, mengugut atau mengganggu mana-mana orang di mana-mana nombor atau alamat elektronik, adalah melakukan suatu kesalahan, tindakan boleh diambil”.


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