Serenity in my heart.

There are many things that I keep in my heart and at times I wish I could share them with others. But I often take a step back because I know what would come my way if I did. 

I love too much, and I care too much. Sometimes they can be two good things, but most of the times I always get hurt because people don't understand that kind of love. So I slowly begin to let things go, one by one, and I'm surprised to be where I am now.

When you love someone, it takes a lot of effort to keep the fire burning. But, often you'll get tired when you're the only one who constantly tries to keep it alive. You'll get tired of living your life for the other person.

You'll get tired of loving too much. 

And then, what do you do? 

It's sad when people only realize how much they've taken you for granted all these while and that they realise you can never be the same person you were before. It's sad when people start to feel the things they should've felt long time ago. 

It's even more painful when they finally understand how it feels to love too much, but you aren't there anymore. 

You aren't there anymore. You've stopped trying to protect the fire from being blown out. You already took that one step ahead. 

It hurts, but people rarely understand this. It's always easier to comprehend things that are good & morally right.

Would it suffice to turn back & start all over again? Or would it be better to take another step ahead & never look back? 

Here's to us.

So, I got a job offer from PETRONAS. So many things have happened since my last blog post. Some were good, some were bad. What's new anyway? 

I went for the interview in June and I recently got the job offer. The interview went on for almost 3 hours and we discussed our opinions and views. It was refreshing to share views with proper, educated adults because I felt that I needed to know how the adults think. 

So, YAY to the much anticipated job! 

How's everyone out there? How is everything going on for you? Did you go to RMWF that happened just last weekend?  

This year, I've done a lot of soul searching. While unemployment made me a little stagnant, I did however get around to enjoy a little more. I've also made so many new friends that I've grown to love. Wonderful how life works, isn't it? 

I've also learned that my life shouldn't revolve around just one person, and that I can be happy even when I'm alone. Being too dependent is not normal and it definitely won't help you to be yourself. 

But sometimes, I got hurt, too. It's alright, I needed this kind of pain to remind me that I will get burned at random times in my life. The thing about this pain is that it can so be significant now, but in the near future, it won't even matter. People come and go, and those who stay are the ones that I treasure most. 

There are times in your life you need to embrace changes and take chances in things you may not be ready for. If you didn't, you wouldn't know how it felt like. If you didn't, you'd be left with constant 'WHATS IFS' and "I WISH I HAD." At this age, taking chances are probably the most sensible thing to do, given the right circumstances. Sure, you'll get all torn up. 

If you only want to remain comfortable all the time, growing up could be the hardest thing to do for you. 

So, here's to my new friends who have made my life more colorful. Another toast to those who have hurt me, for without them, I wouldn't be this tough. 

Here's to us, here's to love. All the times that we messed up. Here's to you, fill the glass, coz the last few nights have kicked my ass. If they give you hell, tell them go fuck themselves.

To the girl who walked past me and had the courage to call me a bitch, GET OVER ME AND GROW UP. You're getting older, so am I. So let's forget about me, the way I've forgotten about you until that night.

To degree or not to degree?

What does it mean to be properly educated in this country? Does it mean that we have to constantly memorize and understand hundreds of theories as well as facts given in schools or universities? We leave school or university a few years later, with only mere 10 weeks of internship. 

What do we do in internships? Cutting out newspapers? Rearranging files in the storage room? Then, comes graduation. Thousands of hopeful graduates are ecstatic to earn good salaries and experience what it is like to work in the world they have read from reading the books. 


But, how many jobs are out there that graduates can apply? How many jobs out there match the degrees taken by the graduates? Many people end up doing other things than what they have studied. 


But one thing that always makes me wonder is, why do a lot of companies, even the well-known ones can only pay fresh graduates salaries below than RM1000 for starters? The salary scale in Malaysia is relatively low, especially in Borneo. Fresh graduates are often offered RM 600 - RM 900. Employers everywhere express that graduates constantly ask for ridiculously high salaries, and that is one of the reasons they refuse to hire them. 

One question, how high is the salary asked by the graduates? In my opinion, if a fresh graduate asks for RM 2000 per month, that is totally his or her mistake, because that is plain outrageous. But to ask just RM 1200 - RM 1600 is often viewed as too much? It's difficult to live with RM 900 per month, let alone RM 700. There are bills to pay, goals to achieve and family to support. Pardon me if I'm wrong, but one works to afford one's own goals to have things in life. 


So, what is considered as 'unacceptable' or 'nonsensical'? The fact that graduates lack experience or the fact that they have degrees from universities yet they're paid RM 800 per month? What is the point for students to pursue tertiary education if this is what they'll be offered once they leave university? The salary given is what school leavers get when they work in coffee shops as part time jobs. Let's not consider those who didn't excel in studies, surely they're out of the question in this scenario. 

How about those with CGPA 3.0 and above? Sometimes I think we all should've just stopped studying after SPM and start working. We get the same pay which comes with same expectations from employers. They still want people with years and years of experience. Training is hard to come by, and when it does, it is done in a manner where one senior worker is assigned to supposedly 'teach' everything to a new worker in the company. 


And then comes the argument about graduates not being able to converse and write articulately in English. Yes, there are probably thousands out there who are still struggling to speak in good English and there are also those who CAN speak and write fluently. They still don't get hired or are underpaid. That is the use of telephone interview and resume reviewing system, no? Sometimes I think it's just one weak reason made by employers not to hire the newbies, so that they can avoid spending their resources on training and development. 


I am a fresh graduate. I've started working from year 2008. My first job was a waitressing stint at Hilton Hotel. I quite liked that job, it opened my eyes to many aspects of working life. I also met a lot of people with different characters and preferences. My favorite one has got to be when I worked at Four Points Sheraton. I actually got involved in some of the training activities held by the Human Resource Department.

So, when employers offer RM 700 per month, I cringe a little, because I always ask myself, is this how much my degree's worth? Can I sell my degree for that amount? Might as well I never had to pursue my degree and saved myself from PTPTN misery?


I envy the education system in the West. They are more hands-on than theories. The students there get to do internships more than once and they get more exposure from working with various companies.


Therefore, should we all start working as clerks and expect pay as much as RM 700, and most probably do things that have nothing to do with our degrees? Will that count as experience? 


In short, how to gain experience when no one is willing to give you the opportunities? But when someones does, it is usually not what he/she has promised previously?

My ideal date.

Going for a date is scary, particularly when you just knew the man from Facebook or through text messages. It's like entering a room full of strangers, hoping that one person would say hi and the conversation would last more than just HI. 

Men fear dates because dates often mean they need to fork out a lot of cash just to please the women. Women often fear dates because the media portrays dates as the scene in Twilight, where the man tries to seduce the woman by telling her that he can't read her mind, thus making her think that she's strange and different.

Lavish dates are portrayed like this.

Oh, women fall for the ones who tell them that they're different from other women.

I know, I know. This post may be a tad inappropriate, given my current relationship status. But, I thought that it would be fun to write about it. It's been years since I went on my first date and all. The idea of going for a date makes me feel all thrilled and warm inside.

So, since Valentine's Day is around the corner, I would like to share with you the things I'd like to do if I were to go on a date. I'm not representing every women in this world, so, what I love, might be someone's not so ideal kind of date. 

Just bring RM100, no more than that. That's the price for this ideal date.

But hey, points number 1 and 2 below always work like a charm, unless you are going to date someone who is strictly dieting, then focus on number 1.

1. Gifts to start the date.

I love gerbera daisies. Many of you know that. It's my favorite flower, and I'd love to have daisies as my wedding flowers. If you have doubts that the date will fail, think daisies as  the bed to land on to take the fall.

No need to get me roses, roses aren't my cup of tea. Roses are a bit more expensive than daisies. Daisies cost RM 20 for 13 stalks. You don't have to wrap them into a bouquet, just tie them together with a ribbon, and voila!

I love chocolates, too. Who can resist chocolate? You can't go wrong with chocolates (unless they're lactose intolerant, so this can be a hit or miss).

OR

Total for these gifts: RM 29.

2. Never drive a hungry woman around.

Famished women are cranky. I'm extra sensitive when my stomach is empty. So, it is advisable not to ask me where I want to go for dinner. This should have been carefully planned by you. 

You don't have to take me to a really posh and high end restaurant. Those places make me feel uncomfortable. Decent restaurants are good enough. I like Western and Chinese food. A simple beef or lamb chop or buttered prawns will please my taste buds. 

 OR

Total for dinner: RM 50.

3. What should we talk about?

I can connect easily with someone who talks about his personal life and motivations rather than talking about what he does in the office or how he scores the women. I find that those who are slightly vulnerable are less likely to be uninteresting. 

Talk about the bluest and clearest ocean that you want to swim in.

Talk about your dreams and your motivations. Talk about your plans to travel and explore new places. Talk about your favorite books or TV shows. Talk about your family and siblings. Talk about your friends and how you knew them. Talk about the most outlandish thing that you've done.

I'm partial to men who are able to tell me things and people that matter to them. Although it increases the risk of potential stalking and over sharing, I believe that I can stop the guy from telling too much.

So, I heard you like cheese.

4. What shouldn't we talk about?

Sex. Unless I'm a hooker, sex is not in my vocabulary for the night. I don't want to hear how many women that you have slept with. 

I also don't like to hear about your car. I don't know how to fix a car.

5. Extra pointers.

1 million points to you if you don't smoke!

• Give tips to the waiter/waitress. 
• Ask how my food was. 
• Ask if I was still hungry. Ask if I wanted dessert. 
• Silent your phone. It's rude to keep texting or checking your phone.
• Smell nice. Shave your beard and mustache. I dislike men who have facial hair. Unless you are Bradley James, you are excused.

It should be a crime against his parents for giving birth to him in the UK.

I like doing things that are random and fun. Hence, a carnival or fun fair is the perfect place for a date. There are lots of stalls selling good food and I get so animated whenever I'm at a carnival. I love the rides and the exuberant ambiance. 

Sometimes, acting like a happy child is the closest feeling to being happy, no?

There's an inner child in every adult. :D

I've always wanted to ride in this.

Well, if those nice carnivals aren't available, I'll settle for this: 

I call it, the Apek apek fun fair.

You don't need to win a teddy bear for me. I don't like teddy bears. We can just shoot rings into bottle necks, or slide ping pong balls through the nailed boards. Total: Probably RM 15 or none (fun fairs are hard to come by here).

6. Ice cream?

Yes please. My choice would be Wall's Magnum ice cream. Ice cream made it to my top three desserts' list ever since this ice cream came along. The top spot goes to cheesecake. Second spot goes to creme brulee. 

This ice cream still amazes me every time I eat it.

Total for dessert: RM4

Last but not least, a hug. Not a kiss, but a hug. I think a kiss is a huge responsibility to carry, for both men and women. A kiss means that you want to see that person again, and you hope that things will be more than just dates.

I think kisses are only safe to be given when there is a mutual trust between my date and I. 

But, that's just me. Maybe it's called growing older and being more cautious of how I cope with my emotions.

Oh by the way, Happy New Year dear readers!

A miraculous blessing, no?

So, I was on a road trip from Kuching to Sabah for about 2 weeks. It was my very first time sitting for hours in a car instead of travelling on a plane for a couple of hours. I saw and learned many things along the way.

 Princess Arabella and Aunty Fris <-- Not a typo.

Princess demands a hug!

What can I say about Sabah? This would be my third trip to Sabah since 2010. I love Sabah (not the price of the food though). So, what made this trip so memorable? Two things: Being with my boyfriend's family and that very uncanny day.

Brunei is so magnificent! Too bad I didn't get to take a lot of pics.

What happened? I was sitting at Gaya Street's SugarBun, minding my own business. I had finished wandering around the Pasar Tamu and I decided to wait for my boyfriend's family there. An old man had already occupied the seat next to me. I didn't give him any much thought. Suddenly, he turned and told me that he was from Sandakan and he was from the Sungai tribe. I replied with a short oh. He then proceeded telling me that he had come to KK to meet with his son who was on his way from Lawas. 

 At Murut Cultural Centre in Tenom.

I listened to his story. He only had enough money for the bus ride from Sandakan and he slept at a nearby mosque the night before. The bus ride cost him RM 43. He told me that he ate this morning with his last few ringgits. I immediately felt sorry for him but I felt scared, too. What if this was a scam? What if he was a drug addict? 


But, he looked very normal and he did look very starved. He asked if I could spare him a few ringgits just to survive through the day. He also added that he would understand if I didn't do so. I wanted to reach into my purse and hand him a RM10 note, but my conscience told me not to. I was afraid that if I gave him the money, I'd do more harm. 

 Satay in Sipitang.

One for the album. :D

So, I explained to him that I was waiting for my family and I would appreciate it if he would wait for my family to come back. He agreed. We didn't talk for a while, when he suddenly told me that he didn't want to trouble me. So he said goodbye and left. I felt relieved somehow, but I really did sympathize for that man.


A minute later, another old man came. He was carrying a few plastic bags filled with vegetables and food. He kept staring at me and he seemed to be anxious at some point. He sat next to me. I thought he was there to wait for his wife or his family. He then stood up and started walking around Sugarbun, with his eyes fixed on me. I wanted to leave, when he suddenly walked up to me and asked if I was alone. I told him my family was at the tamu and would be back soon. He then asked if I was hungry and if I needed food. 

 I touched an elephant for the very first time!!

Sunset at Pekan Nabalu.

I thought to myself, am I wayyyy too skinny that I look starved?? 


I politely said no and that I just had my breakfast. He didn't seem to hear me, so he asked the same question again. I said no, and told him I needed to go. 

 Breakfast. :D

Aelred's birthday!

I don't know if this is God's way of letting me know that He always has my back no matter what, but what happened next really stunned me. 


That old man said, "Kalau ko mo makan, sia kasi ko duit. Sia kasian sama ko, duduk sorang sini. Sia bukan orang jahat. Nah." Translation: If you want to eat, I'll give you some money. I feel sorry for you, you're sitting alone here. I'm not a bad man.

 Ranau's POW camp.

He then reached into his pocket and placed some money on the table. I rejected the money profusely but he insisted and then he left. Dumbfounded and completely speechless, I stared at the money for quite some time before I finally realized what had happened.

I wouldn't mind to give that old man RM 10 if I had these earlier.

I counted the money- RM61. Now, which stranger would hand you that amount of cash without anything in return?? I quickly left SugarBun to find my boyfriend's family. 


I was thinking, what other things can happen if I stay there any longer?? 


Maybe another old man comes by and hands me a credit card?

A new way to charge your phone!

Ferry ride in Lawas. What a waste of time just to cross a small river. 

 Please build a bridge!

That day, I truly understand the meaning of God works in mysterious ways.